Invitation

Xx, fellow mom, an invitation to you. But I must forewarn you – it is long. Please bare with me.

Late last October Nathan was born. And as much as I had babysat others' children, as much as I had read and researched, as much as I tried to prepare my brain for the hard days to come, none of this prepared for me the task that lay ahead. Becoming a mother was a shockwave to my world that still at times reverberates. And the longer Nathan is here in this world, the more I understand that my world will probably never stop reverberating when it comes to him. Although the challenges will change as he grows, there will always be new challenges. But now that I've had time to adjust, in so many different ways, I can honestly say that with wide open arms, I am embracing motherhood.

About the time Nathan was 5 months old, I finally felt like some semblance of normal life had resumed. But I then realized how lonely I was for female companionship. Someone recommended the book, Professionalizing Motherhood: Encouraging, Educating, and Equipping Mothers at Home by Jill Savage. At first the title really turned me off. I played that professional, corporate role – and I despised it, with passion unequaled! Don't make me go there with being a mom! I must give the Holy Spirit credit here because He would not let me forget about this book mentioned in passing (how many other books are mentioned in passing that we never think about again!). I ended up looking it up on Amazon later, to find stellar reviews. I decided to buy, and dug in. It was fantastic!

Many funny stories. Many of the same experiences. Many of the same initial struggles. Challenges. Convictions. Just plain helpful tips and advice. So many concepts in this book grabbed me, and I'm trying really hard to incorporate them into my life now, slowly but surely. Here is a short quote from the beginning of this book that really struck me: "As God was growing my heart for my children, he was also growing my heart for my home. I truly had not given much thought to the atmosphere of my home. I certainly "kept house" (although at times I didn’t do that very well!), but I had not known the difference between homemaking and housekeeping. As God was changing my heart, he instilled in me a desire to do more than "keep house." He gave me the desire to "make a home."

But in the pages, the concept that probably struck me most was the concept of a mom's group. Now, stop right there. I can see your mind going full steam ahead. I must clarify. I am not talking about a play date or play group meeting. These serve a purpose, but not the purpose I'm after. What I am literally craving is female CONNECTION. And that cannot be accomplished at a playgroup in 15 second snippets between steering one kid this direction and averting sure injury for another. Allow me to include some text from chapter 6 – Where Are My Coworkers?

"Mom2Mom – we started our moms' group with eight women. Eight who wanted to have some regular interaction with other moms; eight who desired to learn more about being wives, mothers, and homemakers. Eight who desired to be "family" for one another. … We laughed together. We cried together. We learned together. The moms in my group proved to be the most important relationships I had outside of my family. My time spent with other godly women inspired me to be the wife and mother God called me to be. …

"There is a tremendous need for such organized groups in women's lives. They provide instant camaraderie. They help connect women in the profession of motherhood, and they open the door for friendship opportunities.

"There are two different kinds of moms' groups that are equally effective. Large, structured, and often church-sponsored groups are one kind. Small, unique, and often individually organized groups are another."

I must pause here to say that I believe God has placed the desire on my heart to start just such a group. The small, unique, and individually organized group is what appeals to me. This small but intense connection is exactly what I've been craving. I have written this letter as an invitation to you, fellow coworker in this profession of motherhood, to join with me and a few other moms in a moms' group. It is in this group that I hope to gather together to encourage each other, pray together, and challenge each other to be a better mother and wife.

In the book John Bowlby is quoted to have said that "all mothers of young children need to be mothered themselves, especially those who are wounded." He called this "mothering mom," indicating that the more support a mother has the better mother she will be. I personally resonate with this and find it to be so true. I have never felt the need to be mothered more than I do now, and I so value the support I have now. Yet, I still feel the need to find further support, and that is why I am trying to organize this small group.

Jill Savage also points out in this chapter how in our culture today, we have lost the natural process of family mentoring. Mothers were naturally mentored by their mothers and grandmothers who lived nearby. It makes me think of that saying "it takes a village to raise a child." But as Jill Savage says, "the basic need for women to learn about homemaking, parenting, and marriage has not disappeared. It is still there, but the avenues previously available to teach these skills are often no longer available." And this too is why I want a group of fellow moms to come alongside me in this mission, mentoring and encouraging as we go through the next years of our lives.

So, fellow mom, now that you know where I'm coming from, are you with me?

Based on Jill Savage's practical recommendations for successful moms' groups and much contemplation on my part, this is what I propose.

WHO: The last thing I want to do is hurt someone or make them feel left out. However, a large group will not serve the purpose that I so desperately need and want. The group will be 6 to 8 moms. So, to make the decision of who very clear, I am using these 2 conditions to determine who I invite. 1) the mom must stay home – this isn't meant to be condescending or judgmental at all. Many of the challenges of staying home are different than those for working moms. Thus, for consistency in the discussion and perspectives in the group, I think it best to keep that aspect constant for the members. 2) the mom must have a child under 2 years in age. This one comes from the suggestion to keep the moms in the same season of mothering, and this is the season in which I am. Also, the group will be closed for the initial trial period. Keeping the group small and intimate is very important to me.

WHEN: With life seeming busier every day, I am concerned about adding yet another activity to my to-do list. I want this group to be something I look forward to going to, not something I dread having to accomplish on said day. So for now, let's begin by meeting monthly for the next 6 months. After that, we can reevaluate and determine where to go from there. Of course this will depend on who joins and when they can meet, but my initial suggestion will be the second Monday evening of every month. (September 10, October 8, November 12, December 10, January 14, February 11) And 7pm usually works well.

WHAT: This concept too has caused me much grief. I like the idea of non-structured time to just discuss what is on our hearts on that particular evening. However, I don't know that everyone else enjoys that free-flowing style and perhaps never having any direction will turn others off. I also don't want this to be something with "homework" causing more items on our to-do lists.

My suggestion is to discuss a book. I don't want it to be a "study" of a book, but more just a discussion of thought provoking things. Perhaps the book will just launch the discussion that needs to be had.

I have two suggestions at this point.
1) Professionalizing Motherhood. I think this would be awesome to discuss on all the aspects of creating a home.
2) Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. I just finished this book, and it has been so amazing, so revelational to me. It has given me the hope I need to persevere on this path of parenting, but also challenged my approach in so many ways I didn't even realize needing challenging.

Whichever book we do, I'll break it up into sections or ideas that we can start discussion with on the 6 different nights.

CHILDCARE: To clarify, I want this meeting to be free of the distraction of our children. I want this meeting to be a refuge from our daily, 24 hour role of motherhood. Somewhere we can come to be refueled, refreshed. Somewhere we can come to be heard. Somewhere that we can wholeheartedly listen and focus on those who need to be heard. And thus, I believe it needs to be without children. I suggest this monthly meeting to also be some dedicated daddy time with our kids.

So now, what do I need from you?

1. Would you like to be part of this group? Please don't feel pressured. I understand now more than ever the need to limit the outside of the house activities. But please let me know either way by Saturday August 18 (so that those who do join will have time to get and begin the book).
2. Will the second Monday of each month work for you? If not, what does?
3. Which book would you like to discuss?

Fellow mom, please know that each of you have already made a huge impact on me and my homemaking. I am so grateful to our El Elyon, God Most High, Sovereign Ruler of all the Universe, Who knows just what we need and placed me in Kingsport at this church that allowed me to meet you. I am so grateful to our Jehovah-Jireh, God who Provides, Who has provided me with the gift of each one of you as a resource to me. So often I am overwhelmed at how much God loves me that He would do this for me. I look forward to growing as a woman and wife and mother alongside you, as He guides us along the journey of life.